More about this blog
This weblog is associated with the website www.kidsofelpaso.com and it’s webforum located at www.thekidsbbs.com. The KIDS family of websites are designed to take a closer look at at a controversial adolescent substance abuse rehabilitation program that existed in El Paso, Texas during the late 1980’s.
Someone recently asked why I continue to have such an interest in something that happened so long ago. While no explanation is really necessary, I think the reason I continue to have an interest is because I remember it all so clearly. After my involvement I took much time to acclimate to the challenges of life on the outside. The program had consumed me, dictating every thought, every feeling, and each and every behavior for several years. Just over ten years ago, I decided to dive back into a chapter of my life that many left behind. I had questions that continued to demand answers. I sacrificed time, money, and energy to tediously conduct and massively compile research on everything related to my experience. I was hoping that somehow I would find sort of explanation which would in turn provide some sense of resolution. I studied therapeutic communities and earned advanced degrees in the science of the rehabilitative process. I acquired every newspaper article, every movie, every television show, and every document that I could find that mentioned the program. I started a website and reconnected with hundreds that shared my experience in the program. I reread every daily moral inventory and revisited every memory. I worked on books and even a short a film about the subject. I read books by and about the founder of the program. I remember it all as clearly as if it were just yesterday. I remember how I felt very much afraid and very much alone. I was powerless. Powerless not necessarily over any compulsion that was allegedly responsible for my admission, but moreover I was literally powerless in the strictest sense of the meaning of the phrase. I remember the feeling, taste, and smell of deprivation. I also remember those that shared my experience, from intake to the day I left. I remember their past, I remember their families, even their clothes. I remember their goals and aspirations. I remember those I trusted and those I feared alike. I remember the friendships fortified with the bonds of mutual adversity. I also remember those that have passed away, gone to prison, and/or have gone completely insane, ironically just as the program predicted many would without it’s nurture. I remember.
I have since found many of the answers that I have sought over the years. Many answers have only prompted deeper questions. I will continue to look for answers, not only for myself, but for others that have questions. That is why I continue to have such an interest in something that occurred so long ago.