'I am better than God'

El Paso man takes stand in own defense at murder trial. While on the stand during his murder trial, *** testified about being in the KIDS of El Paso drug treatment program, his mental health issues and the events of Dec. 18, 2007. *** is being tried in 12th Judicial District Court in Alamogordo for the murder of ***, 20, behind the Mescalero Apache Casino Travel Center in December 2007. He is charged with first-degree felony murder, second-degree felony attempt to commit criminal sexual penetration and third-degree tampering with evidence. He was also being tried for third-degree child abuse (no great bodily harm) of *** 2-year-old son, ***, but Judge *** gave a directed verdict after the state rested its case. "The New Mexico state statute does not criminalize a defendant for taking away a parent," *** said from the bench. *** is currently jailed at the Otero County Detention Center. He testified after the state rested Tuesday morning. The state is expected to cross-examine *** today. *** defense attorney * is presenting an insanity defense. She is claiming *** experienced a post-traumatic stress episode after *** rejected his sexual advances. He has admitted on videotape to El Paso detectives that he traveled from Ruidoso to Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, and burned *** body in a desert area in that Mexican city. During the videotaped confession, it was revealed that *** was stabbed in the head, neck, jaw and chest. She had been stabbed 11 times. *** had to be identified through DNA because her body was burned beyond recognition. *** left *** son, ***, on a city street in Juarez. He also burned his 1998 Jeep Cherokee in downtown El Paso and claimed it was carjacked from him. On Tuesday, *** testified that he had been sexually abused by his grandmother at age 4 and again by his 16-year-old cousin when he was 7. *** was on the stand for about three hours after the lunch break Tuesday. While on the stand, *** said he wanted to question the people who allegedly abused him at the KIDS of El Paso drug treatment program. He said he wanted to know why they had abused him. "I always feel like hurting the people from KIDS because of what they did to me," *** said. He said he had been sexually and physically abused while in the drug-treatment program in which he spent about three years when he was a teenager in the 1980s. *** was released from the program in 1987. When he was released from the program, *** said he didn't know how to act (in society). He also said he had been in and out of hospitals in Denver, San Diego and Hawaii for depression and thoughts of hurting people. I had to go to the hospital because I felt like I was going to hurt someone," *** said. "I didn't want to feel like that no more. I don't know where that comes from. It's always 1987. A friend of mine yelled at her kid. I felt like hurting her." He said that he started talking to *** on the telephone about two weeks prior to meeting her at the Mescalero Apache Casino Travel Center. *** said he believed in his own mind that *** was the "devil" because she would not leave Ruidoso to live with him in El Paso. He also said that he believes he is better than God. *** said he believes his thinking is distorted because of the abuse he suffered at the treatment program. "I am distorted right now," he said while testifying about *** death in December 2007. "Distorted is always there. I actually believe I am better than God. I should take his place. I think about KIDS of El Paso (the drug-treatment program). Where was God when they were slapping me?" *** said he started having a panic attack when *** refused to move to El Paso. A mental cloudiness came over him, he said, when *** refused to leave with him for the sixth time. "I hear her talk, but her voice was distorted," he said. "I saw her distorted." *** said *** was playing a game by refusing to not have intercourse with him but instead offered to give him oral sex. He said he believed it was an insult because he thought *** had a boyfriend. "After *** died, it was like the KIDS of El Paso," *** said on the stand. "They ruined my life. I don't know what happened. I didn't know what to say."